Prof. F.J Lewis
History Today
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DB: Good evening and welcome to History Today. Tonight's topic, a most exciting topic if I may say, is the Enclosures Act and its affects on English rural populations. Professor Lewis, I wonder if you would agree that the most perspective analysis of 14th Century culture may be garnered from the literature of the time. Langland, Bunyan and specifically Chaucer.
RN: {speaks in Latin}
DB: Indeed. And how exactly would you interpret this piece?
RN: That's how your Mum talks. She's got a bit missing from her mouth. It's a tragedy.
DB: I see. See one of those boxes with a drawing of a cow on it and when you turn it upside down it goes 'moo'?
RN: moo?

Yes, moo.

RN: I have observed the novelty item.

That's your stereo, that is. That's your state-of-the-art Hitachi.

See that Matt Monroe?

RN: No, I've never heard of him and no-one knows or cares who he is.
DB: Yes, that's you, that is.
RN: You know when you walk into a field and you tread in a cowpat and then immediately with the other foot you tread in another cowpat?
DB: So I am effectively at this stage standing in two piles of cack?
RN: Up to the ankles.
DB: I have heard talk of the experience.
RN: That's your new trainers, that is. That's your 100 pound Reeboks.
DB: Professor Lewis, do you see that woman at the back of the television theatre?
RN: Do you mean right at the very, very back wall of the entire studio?
DB: Yes, from here she is a barely distinguishable speck.
RN: I can just, just make her out.

That's the nearest you've ever come to getting off with a girl.

So I don't think anyone can be in any doubt that tonight myself and Professor F.J Lewis have had a most valid and rich and incisive debate. Professor F.J Lewis, thankyou very much.

RN: {making kissing sounds to woman at back of studio} Oh, thankyou.


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